Being a parent has to be one of the hardest jobs in the world. When we were children it all looked so easy, and we constantly criticised our own parents for making disastrous mistakes, all of which we swore we’d never make if and when we ever got to be parents ourselves. So here we are, making whole reams of mistakes of our own, and finding that whatever we think is the right thing to do, our children, or our children’s friends have other ideas. We look at other parents, who seem to manage fine, and then we look at our own mess and wonder what went wrong. Being a parent is very much like being up a creek without a paddle, and the boat’s leaking. Each day seems another battle has to be won.
Of course, today the world in which our children are growing up is a very different one to our own childhood experiences. With computer technology and the rapid development and integration of the internet into daily life, our children are placed in situations far removed from anything we could have imagined. With friends on the other side of the planet that they have never met, but know intimate secrets about, and evenings spent in front of their monitor, in rapt attention, attempting to rescue the Lost Artefact from the Tomb of Al’Kqaar, or chatting away to the other members of their guild in order to bring down the mighty Fargore, we as parents can only sit back and wonder. And don’t worry - you’re not the only parent to scratch their head and wonder what it’s all about.
Of course, no one is going to suggest that simply because we are the generation of parents that we somehow lost all ability to cope with life in the 21st century - we can, most of us, use a computer perfectly well, and see it as a handy tool for sending emails, looking stuff up on the internet, maybe even creating letters or a graph. But perhaps it’s simply who we are as a generation, but the appeal of posting our intimate secrets on the internet for the whole globe to see is lost on us. We shred any personal documents or bank statements before burying them deep within the depths of our bins, and hate the idea of photographs of us being owned by anyone. Yet our children seem quite happy to publish embarrassing photographs and stories for all to see. They talk about friends, but have never met them, and this even challenges our definition of friend. To us, a friend is someone we are close to, hang out with, and spend time with. Our children’s friends seem to be distant, with the only interaction taking place in a virtual world.
Naturally, with so many news stories about the terrible things that happen as a result of the internet, with people masquerading as children in an attempt to lure them into meeting up in the real world, and then never seen again. If you have considered the idea of simply binning the computer and saving a lot of trouble, you certainly wouldn’t be the first parent, or the only one to have such concerns.
Most of us realise, however, that it isn’t the computers which are evil, and the vast majority of people on the internet are perfectly decent individuals. Yes, it’s true that there are risks associated with using the internet, but then there are dangers associated with almost everything in life. We could go down to the shopping mall and be blown up by terrorists, or we could take a plane on our next holiday and die in a horrendous crash, or we be knocked down and trampled by a donkey. Every day we take risks, and yet most of us seem to survive them. Clearly this is because we take calculated risks, and use common sense to judge the dangers, and act accordingly. Clearly getting in to a plane held together by sticky tape would be absurd, and crossing the road blindfolded would also be liable to come with far greater risk. Similarly, using the internet is only a danger if you either have no idea what the risks are, or simply ignore them and effectively cross the road blindfold every time you log on, or allow your children to.
So what are the main problems with using the internet, and what can we as parents do to help increase the safety of our children whilst they are enjoying this resource? The most important, and ultimately effective method of helping to support our children is education. This means education of ourselves, and education of our children. The more that you know and understand what is meant by messenger software, chat rooms, online games, profiles and avatars, the more you’ll be able to help your child understand the dangers, and the benefits of using the internet in a safe way. Remember, we’re not trying to scare our children away from the internet - it’s always going to be around and we’re not going to be able to stop them in the end, but we can help make them aware of the issues and help them make educated decisions themselves.
We spend time as parents teaching our children about ’stranger danger’, and make sure they understand not to interact with anyone they don’t know. They have it drummed in to them from an early age that they should not talk to strangers, go off with them, accept lifts or sweets or invitations, and that if they suspect anything is wrong, run back home or to safety straight away and tell someone. This same policy and understanding is often lacking online. The strangers are still there, most of whom are perfectly decent, but many are sadly using the anonymity of the internet to hide behind fake profiles. Our children understand about strangers in the street or park. But online, people aren’t strangers. They have photos, names, hobbies, backgrounds, families and favourite music. The fact that these profiles may be entirely fake seems to pass our children by.
A cursory look through the internet, or the shelves of your local computer retailer, you’ll see hundreds of so-called solutions. These typically lock down your computer, creating barriers and firewall, monitoring the use of the computer, logging and recording everything that takes place, and generally creating a regime of fear on the computer. But since this only generates either resentment, or curiosity within our children, the best solution really is to communicate with them. We taught them about the dangers of strangers, crossing the road, and real life - why not extend those skills to the virtual world? By having the computer somewhere visible, rather than hidden away in their bedroom, you will have a chance to see what they’re doing, talk to them about it, ask questions, and help to inform them so that they can make the decisions about the risks they take themselves. We can’t lock our children away in a safe room somewhere - but we can help to arm them with the tools they need to stay safe in the 21st century.
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